I think everyone here has probably heard of Randy Randy. If you think I’m going to say he robbed me … nope. But I do have a few Randy Randy stories. My friend Sonya told me that Randy Randy actually taught her what community in the slabs means. Pastor Dave was as beloved as Randy is reviled. The pastor taught her a lot about feeding people but it was Randy who taught her what slab community really means. You see no one stole from Pastor Dave, as I said he was beloved. Well of course no one except for Randy. What did Randy Randy steal? Quiches. You see Randy Randy said that there were some delicious foods that Pastor Dave only gave to the people that did not do methamphetamines. Not fair Randy said adding logically: who needs extra food more than tweakers? So he snuck in grabbed the all he saw and passed them out to every addict he knew. Unfortunately Sonya went on to say he later had a psychotic break and attacked her and others and after that she couldn’t be alone nirping with him. When he noticed he asked her why and she explained and she said tears filled his eyes as he agreed and said he wanted her safe. He didn’t remember the attack but said how very sorry he was. They were both heartbroken but unfortunately to this day have not spent another moment alone.
People outside slabbers are unaware that Randy Randy actually lives next to arguably the most powerful person in the slabs. Not to subdue him but to protect him because unlike our government and society the slabs realizes he’s mentally ill and needs support.
Just stop and think for a minute about how you would feel if first you were rejected by mainstream society and then by the outcasts and then even people you never met on the internet looked down on you or were cruel the instant they heard your name? All for things you couldnt control and an environment where you don’t even know where your next meal will come from. He still greets you with a smile. He still digs around for treasure every day.
When I first came to the slabs somebody donated a bunch of empty Walmart mylar balloons. Useless right? Maybe thought we would use it for art or something but really they were just creating more trash. Then one day i see a guy sticking these on signs as if advertising a party. First I had no idea Randy was black lol. Plus people were always saying vaguely menacing things like he was naked all the time but a well-dressed young man looked up and asked did you know there’s a party at the handle bar tonight? I said no and he said you really should go and check it out. He was so enthusiastic saying he would be there too that I didn’t want to disappoint him and changed course and went to The Handlebar. After looking around at the empty bar I asked the bartenders about the party describing the man as the room erupted in laughter. As customers trickled in we spent the evening joking about the rager that had just ended and in the end it did feel like a party. It was also the night I decided I was going to leave my abuser no matter what it took because I knew I had a community just as crazy as me and even if i didnt belong i belonged.
So all that to say this. We’re all mad here but we actually love harder we dont get angry.
Im crazy cuz God talks to me. This morning he told me Randy Randy has been praying. All he wants is something good to happen and for his life to me to get a little bit better if that’s possible. God said just making an effort to be his friend would do the trick but I think we can do better than that. If necessary I’ll collect cans and pay for it myself but it would be nice if some of you would help my broke ass out. All I want to do is buy Randy a pizza and a 2 liter cuz really I’m stoked as hell when somebody does that for me. But you know if we all pitched in he could get enough pizza to throw a party or just be sure that he has something to eat and look forward to every single week for awhile. I think if you think about it and you’re truly part of the slab community and understand what that means…even if you’ve never actually been here you will agree and join the Randy Randy fan club. Membership dues are $7 the price of a pepperoni pizza or two dozen day-old donuts or even just a letter expressing your admiration if that’s all you got. The PayPal is https://paypal.com/pools/c/8DIk0E6LaR cash app is $thedollasylum – thank you for listening to me ramble about my family. God is love.