Ok so ya, I signed up for OnlyFans. I doubt ill do any like…porn porn with things being inserted in things (doesnt that sound sexy) but there are pics of me naked. Heres the thing. Im mostly shameless and I feed/take care of a lot of people. I do that after losing everything repeatedly. I can barely see half the time, have a bad back that often incapacitates me, and am likely crazy. No one is looking to hire or date me. I dont give a fuck what anyone thinks of me and a pic takes 30 seconds. Im going to try to get disability but who knows how long that will take and in the meantime we need to eat. Honestly I still cant believe people would pay to see my tits but so be it. I asked God if I was sinning and was told it isnt a sin to take care of my people and humans are too obsessed with their own plumbing (this is often the answer to any question about gender or sexuality)
Im also adding whatever pics and writing I have that doesnt get shared anywhere but that’ll be free.
And because I really dont say it enough – thank you to everyone who has supported me through this insane journey. You are everything to me. My family. Ohana.
People dont like to be preached at – thats pretty much an established fact. So why do we still approach spirituality and talking about God like that? Just wondering really. I havent known how to explain what God sounds like, though ive been asked repeatedly. Im autistic and struggle with communicating – its very rare for me to say anything I didnt script and practice first. When you hear small autistics repeating movie lines what theyre doing is scripting. If you channel your inner Bumblebee and respond with your own lines you can carry on a conversation. For some of us, especially females, we eventually graduate to writing our own scripts. Its part of why I write – it helps me talk about my life in general. It is original and gives the illusion of spontanaity but it is just that, an illusion. If you go off script and ask something unexpected I will freeze. It may take weeks to formulate a response. In my defense its not always that im slow its often that the thoughts are too complicated to break down. So its taken months to answer beyond my insistence it wasnt my subconscious theres a real voice and presence im hearing. Well you know what I mean. When God talks its like every sound I hear, the buzz of a bee, hum of a dozen a/c units, the sound of cars miles away – plus everything i can see, every leaf every sand speck – even smells in the air and those weird wavy lines over something hot – it all shifts imperceptively, changes tone, moves – and altogether forms words as if a mouth is speaking. Ot can make me stop in my tracks and say what the fuck. It never stops being weird and overwhelming. I say I ignore God a lot but really im just toning out the world overall. Not actively listening so it becomes background noise. On rare occasions, usually when im upset I cant ignore it because its like a text message that popped up in my brain. When God is upset the whole universe heaves. I hope that made some kind of sense.
So I made an offer on renting the laundromat but its a low one because the co-op is a non-profit. If I dont get it i’ll probably get a room at the motel for a month so I can get work done. We’ll get a laundromat either way it might just be a slabby one. Ill probably do one anyways if people want. Ill just get some rechargeable agitators and stick them in water barrels and put them across from jerry’s at the rabbit hole so they can be refilled.
It is not a laundry co-op though because we are going to do groceries too. 90% of the inventory will be from walmart, honestly. But we wont make any profit other than adding a quarter or something to pay the delivery and stock person and such. If a can of chicken is $1 you wont have to pay $7 lol. We’ll sell cases of bottled water at cost which is less than $3 and put them in a deep freezer so theyll be ice too. We’re getting mayo and jelly packets so the sun or ants dont ruin your sandwiches. Other than that itll be a limited selection like $1 bread from walmart. Every morning ill add up all the orders and order them online site to store so walmart employees get to wander around finding shit. Then when its ready we’ll grab it, bag the orders then deliver into the slabs.
One other thing the food co-op will have is local produce. There are several u-pick farms nearby so we’ll get fresh fruit from those once a week or two. After awhile we are gonna hopefully have enough farm friends to start a farmer’s market.
There is also salvage food, food about to be out of date for $11/box or $320/pallet. Thats whats in the picture. It will be a grab bag we gotta eat quick but each item will be $1 or less.
Oh, something even more important – we will take EBT. The application is actually pretty simple and the requirements are only 36 items altogether. The delivery driver can carry a small POS reader. And farm to low income table is something they are really into so the grants are endless. Same for co-ops. There is $150,000 from several sources for something that gets the farms, businesses, and locals all involved together. And of course Google non-profits will give us $10,000/month in ad credit (what I did as a marketing specialist) so I think it would be hard for a market not to have visitors when $120,000 goes into advertising a year.
So that is what im up to. Ive heard over and over how Slabs has a soup kitchen and 8 food pantries etc. There was one thing I could get to, Ernie’s. I was banned from Handlebar and commodities is a day after Ernies so mostly I lost 20 lbs and am starvimg right now. And im relatively fit and healthy I just couldnt get to a store or afford enough with overpriced Mays. The minite I solve the problem for me ima work on just solving it. Fingers crossed i do it in an office not a hole though. I have at least a month of paperwork and ordering ahead of me. Pretty excited about it though.
After 2 months of calling everyday I finally got through to EDD only to be told the claims list was full so try again tomorrow between 8-1 and good luck. I thought the lady might cry. So I sent an angry letter to my senators and am now going to join OnlyFans and sell titty pics until I can afford both pizza and an autodialer. Admittedly the senators probably have bigger tits but Juan and Eduardo can afford food so clearly they have an unfair advantage over the rest of us. California you suck. Even if you werent constantly trying to spontaneously combust like you deserve you’re little better than Oregon’s taint and no one likes those guys not even Portland.
I know that title makes zero sense but sometimes blogging is really hard. Earlier I was thinking about what to write while digging but all I could think was its illegal to swim in the canal but if you should happen to fall in at night I bet every clump that floated by would make you pee a little and that’s why its also a bad idea to drink canal water. Plus that last clump for sure had hair and theres some things even a life straw cant help and hair in your teeth is for sure a dealbreaker.
Thats probably why I cut the step too far over making a straight staircase impossible. And I know a spiral staircase would be way cooler but ive got shit to do and even if it looks weird one that hangs slightly left will still get you there and wont ditch you on your birthday. Plus its not the only thing here that isnt straight ifyouknowwhatimean. The back steps not me, they start 4 feet up and dont connect but I guess im the only frogger fan.
Not that I dont like girls but they take forever and I have the attention span of a gnat so 10 minutes in im whining im an artist not a contractor so id rather demand everyone arrive via interprative dance so start thinking of how you’d translate lesbian seagull cuz you will be graded. Then its all cacaw bitches cacaw is neither appropriate pillow talk, Amber, nor a rousing battle cry for the other squad to bring it. And seriously who has time for this shit people should appreciate how quickly you arrive at the bottom with the current system and also that I keep most of my thoughts to myself.